Home > Reviews > BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY (S2) Reviews: “The Crystals”/”The Satyr” (spoilers)

BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY (S2) Reviews: “The Crystals”/”The Satyr” (spoilers)

“The Crystals” is the second episode by Land of the Giants scribes Bob & Esther Mitchell (the first was “Journey to Oasis”), and it features the return of Mel Blanc as Twiki’s voice. Buck, Hawk, and Wilma descend to volcanic/jungle planet Phibocetes (fie-bow-see-teez) to search for dilith – err, thurbidian crystals to refuel the Searcher, which has randomly run out of them and apparently is unable to call galactic AAA for a tow. They find some crystals next to a strange mummy creature buried in volcanic ash, and take them both aboard their shuttle (a new Searcher shuttle mockup/miniature replacing the Galactica shuttle used earlier in the season), but the mummy comes to life, breaks out, and takes the crystals. Hawk and Wilma go back to report and investigate the evidence, and Buck stays behind alone to set up the mining camp overnight. He runs into a blonde beauty (Amanda Wyss) who has no memory or identity and is eager to please him and happy to accept whatever he says as the truth – every “Men’s Rights” type’s ideal woman. Buck names her Laura rather than go with her initial “My name will be Buckrogers too” plan.

On the others’ return (with an all-male mining crew, but at least there’s some ethnic diversity to it), they try to figure out who Laura is, going on Buck’s theory that she’s an amnesiac survivor of a crashed ship, while the Searcher crew mines the crystals. (I just noticed that the name Searcher on the ship’s equipment is written in much the same font that would later be used for the title logo of Star Trek: The Next Generation.) But they get attacked by the mummy creature, which steals the crystals. On the ship, Goodfellow puts Crichton on the task of researching the archives for historical data on Phibocetes, and Twiki complains about Crichton not being a properly obedient “son.” This isn’t explained in the episode, but is a reference to an unmentioned bit of backstory in which Goodfellow and Twiki built Crichton together, so that Twiki considers himself basically Crichton’s mother.

Speaking of parentage, Crichty eventually reports that the archives reveal that the planet’s humanoid inhabitants started out looking like Laura and then degenerated into the mummies, perhaps due to some sort of virus. Laura is very distraught on learning this and rants about how she’d rather die than lose Buckrogers, though Buck convinces her to trust him that everything will be all right. Turns out Crichters made a mistake and reversed the order of the images. Phibocetes was settled by human genetic engineers who replaced pregnancy and childhood with the mummy stage, activated by light through thurbidian crystals to evolve toward the human form with preprogrammed genetic memory. (Seriously, huh?) The colony was Pompeiied by a volcanic eruption, but now the dormant, larval “mummies” buried under the ash are reviving and Laura is the first to reach maturity. Buck gets into a fight with the mummy just in time to tear its outer layers off and reveal the human inside, and the sight awakens Laura’s memory of her true nature, so she’s no longer obsessed with Buckrogers. The crew gathers up their crystals and go off on their merry way while Laura and her new man friend prepare to shepherd their dormant race back into existence.

Okay, for once, we have an episode that isn’t worse than the preceding one, but it’s not that much better. It’s another goofy sci-fi idea without any real message or theme to it, unless it’s something about not judging by appearances. It’s also the second episode in a row where a humanoid breed’s life cycle has been the reverse of what we were led to assume, which made it pretty easy to guess the truth. But it’s a pretty harmless exercise, just hard to swallow in some ways. One thing that bugs me: This is the first episode – indeed, the only one – in which the Searcher actually finds one of the lost human “tribes” it’s looking for, and nobody’s all that interested. Perhaps because everything about the planet is already recorded in the archives anyway, just misplaced. Man, these archives Crichton keeps searching through must be incredibly poorly indexed, or else incredibly massive. The fact that it keeps taking this supergenius robot hours or days to dredge up any plot-relevant information from the archives is one of the most dated things about the show. As a search engine, he’s strictly impulse.

Twiki’s unexplained transition from Bob Elyea’s boyish tenor back to Mel Blanc’s gruff baritone and bidi-bidis is a bit jarring, but it’s nice to hear Blanc’s voice paired with Twiki’s season 2-style dialogue, which is more substantial and less annoying than just a series of random anachronisms and heckles. Blanc would continue in the role for the remainder of the series.

“The Satyr” is the second episode by Paul & Margaret Schneider (“The Guardians”), and like their first, it treats fantasy ideas as sci-fi — in this case featuring a literal satyr, Pangor (David S. Cass, Sr.), terrorizing a colonist named Cyra Samos (Anne E. Curry) and her young boy Delph (Robert Lane). I feel like I have to issue a trigger warning, for while he storms into their farmhouse nominally looking for wine and food, there’s a disturbing vibe of a drunk, abusive husband coming home to assault his wife. We know what satyrs are known for in myth, and it’s not just drinking.

Buck and Twiki head down to the planet in question, a lost Earth colony called Arcadus – although one that was lost only 6-7 years earlier, having been founded in the 2470s by a famous colonizer named Jason Samos, rather than one of the centuries-old lost colonies the Searcher is supposed to be looking for. Wilma and Hawk are marginalized by some makework asteroid survey so Gil Gerard can hog all the attention again. Buck does your standard TV-Western plot where he bonds with the frontier widow and her deeply impressed son, but Cyra rejects his offer to leave with him, insisting she can’t abandon her husband’s home like the rest of the colonists did (though their ship was lost, hence the colony’s fate being unknown). Her attitude – and the bruises Buck sees on her neck – only reinforce the impression of Cyra as an abused wife, and it’s easy to guess that “Pangor” is actually a mutated Jason Samos, though she doesn’t admit that until after Buck fights with him and apparently drowns him to death, though not before getting bitten by the satyr.

It’s just as easy to guess that this leads to Buck turning into a satyr himself, and what you’d think was that we’d get a story where Wilma and Hawk have to find the satyrized Buck and save him from his own toxic masculinity run amok. But Wilma and Hawk only get a few token scenes, and Buck is such a superman that he manages to maintain control and devise a plan to kill the other satyrs even while turning into one himself. Pangor turns up alive, his memories as Jason Samos reawakened, and manages to say goodbye to his wife before sacrificing himself to detonate Buck’s booby trap. Back on the ship, Buck is cured by advanced medicine, since his transformation was early enough to be reversed. (Too bad for those other disease victims that just got written off as monsters and killed.) The Samoses are resettling on a new planet and Buck and Wilma resume their flirtatious banter, the end.

Ugh. This was unpleasant and dumb. At least the first season had a sense of humor about its somewhat goofy stories and sci-fi gimmicks, and didn’t take itself too seriously. The second season has even goofier, more ludicrous ideas, but it plays them with ponderous seriousness and a dramatic intensity that clashes with their lack of thematic or character substance. The first season knew how lightweight it was, but the second season doesn’t. It makes it much less enjoyable to watch. There’s also an excessively masculine focus this season, with female guests fewer in number and tending to be in more traditional roles, and building an episode around literal satyrs terrorizing a lone, passive woman took that to a distasteful extreme. I can think of several reasons to recommend skipping this episode. The one good thing I can say about it is that, as the first season 2 episode to heavily feature Twiki, it’s a lot less annoying than it could’ve been, since Twiki is now being written as actually having useful things to say rather than just wisecracks. If he’d been written this way in season 1, he would’ve been a lot less of a drag on the show.

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